7 reasons to get connected to other men
Every month we schedule a breakfast for men at the church office. It usually happens on the third Saturday of each month. As I was thinking about this month’s breakfast the thought occurred to me, ‘Why should men come to something like this?’ We do it every month, so we must believe that it is important, or is it? Do we do it because we have always done it, or is there a deeper meaning behind doing things like a Men’s Breakfast or other men’s events?
It is not just tradition or habit that leads us to put on these regular men’s events. There are legitimate reasons why we do it. I have come up with seven reasons (there are more but I wanted to keep this somewhat concise). As you read through these seven, you won’t relate to all of them, but it is likely that one or more will resonate with you.
Reason One – Authentic male relationships
Studies are showing that there is a growing sense of loneliness being felt by people in our culture, and it is affecting men as much as it is women. Even in our hyper-connected, digital world there is a growing desire to connect with real people. Even people who are connected through their work, activities, or school might find themselves feeling alone.
All men need real relationships with other men. Even the Lone Ranger had Tonto. You need relationships in your life where you can be your real self and where you can expect authenticity from others. Too often we are wearing masks, or others around us are hiding their true selves from others. True happiness comes when we live authentic lives with people who are also being authentic. This is one of the goals of Men’s Ministry; to help men be in authentic relationships in all areas of their lives.
Reason Two – Desire for like-minded community
Regardless of your spiritual background, most of your day may be spent in the company of people who do not think like you do. Their view of reality and how the world works may be radically different than yours. This can be emotionally, and even physically, draining. There is something tremendously refreshing when we are in the presence of people who have similar worldviews as our own.
Coming to a men’s event or being involved in a men’s group is often described as a breath of fresh air or as a refreshing break from an otherwise chaotic world. We won’t agree on absolutely every topic that comes up, but we are in unity about more than we are not. That makes for a relaxing, encouraging, and empowering experience.
Reason Three – Search for identity and purpose
There are men in my life that I admire because of their intense sense of identity and/or purpose. They know who they are and what they are on this earth for. Personally, that has not always been me. I did have a strong sense of identity and purpose, but the world around me seemed to disagree and resisted my view of myself. As I engaged with other men who were also on this journey, my true identity and purpose started to emerge. Today, I have confidence in who I am and what my purpose is, which guides my choices and decisions. And I find the world around me seems to encourage me and help me along the way toward success.
It’s strange, but you can’t really figure out who you are on your own. We were all created to exist in community, and it is only in community that we can hope to discover what our place is in that community. Get connected into the community, and your identity and purpose will begin to reveal itself.
Reason Four – The want of a strong male role model
It is a sad reality that most men grew up without a strong man in their life demonstrating through their daily life what it means to be a man. That was true in my life and it wasn’t until I had been a man for a while that I started to realize what that was costing me. It took me even longer to realize that I needed to do something about it. I was in my forties when I finally came to understand that I needed someone to model for me what authentic manhood looked like.
If you are anything like me, then you will need to see something to really understand it. Through men’s groups and events, you can begin to watch men as they live their lives. If you take that seriously you will find that there are men around who can model how to be the man, husband, father, leader you desire to be. Get connected to other men so that you can find some to model real manhood for you.
Reason Five – Mentorship void
Reason five is related to reason four but takes it a step further. Once you have one or more strong male role models in your life, you will realize that there are specific areas in your life that need improvement. But, knowing you need to improve is not the same as knowing how to do it. And, let’s face it, some of the things we need to improve in our lives are bigger and more complex than we are capable of handling on our own.
In reason four the role model is playing a passive role in your life. There will be times when we need a more hands-on approach to deal with the things in our life. It is no different than needing a personal trainer at the gym or on the golf course. You may know what you want to do, but you need someone to help you figure out what you are doing wrong or what you are not doing that you need to do. By being connected to other men, like in the men’s groups or events, you should be able to find someone who has the knowledge or experience you need to navigate the difficult waters of life.
Reason Six – Need for structured guidance
For some men, you can tell them what they need to know, and they can go and figure it out on their own pretty well. Others, like myself, need to know what the steps and processes are. When doing home repairs, I often watch YouTube videos that show me how to do it step-by-step. This is especially true when I am doing something I have never done before. It is not a sign of weakness to admit you need help – it is a sign of wisdom.
Most men’s groups and events have some type of structured guidance as a portion of what they are doing. Men don’t need a social club, they need to be engaged in something that is useful and productive. Get connected with other men and you will discover that there are people around you who can help you when you need it.
Reason Seven – A desire for more of the Bible
As a Bible teacher, this one is close to my heart. For some men, not all, what they get from the Bible on Sunday morning or in their own reading is not enough. The men’s groups are especially good for this. In a men’s group, not only will the Bible be taught, but there is also time given for discussion of what is taught. By talking about it, the Bible can have a greater impact and effect upon our lives. Not only that, the discussion helps men connect to one another, thus meeting needs that they might not even know how to articulate.
As I said at the beginning, you may not relate to all of these reasons, but chances are that at least one of them touches on something you have either thought about or sensed in your life. Over the years I have heard men give me reasons why they can’t be connected to other men, but, in the end, they sound more like excuses than reasons. If you want to become the man that God created you to be, it will only happen as you connect yourself to the men God has placed around you to help you.
“And let us consider one another in order to stir up love and good works, not forsaking the assembling of ourselves together, as is the manner of some, but exhorting one another, and so much the more as you see the Day approaching.” Hebrews 10:24-25 NKJV
Go to http://ccfv.life to see some of the ways you can get connected.
Monthly Men’s Breakfast
Every third Saturday at the church office @ 38730 Sky Canyon Drive, Murrieta. Come and connect with the men at CCFV. All men are welcome. Click the button below to register so that we can make sure we have enough food. You can sign up at the door. Just show up.
Click the link below to find out more about the Men’s Ministry.
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Worship Center address:
38615 Calistoga Drive
Murrieta, CA 92563